Casting A Net7/3/2015
Jordan here, I've been sitting on this post for a while wondering if I should post it. We've been rather busy and the auction and the funeral of a close friends daughter. It's always seemed like a weird time to actually get this out, but hey, a Bodbyl convinced me, so here it goes.
I heard a good sermon a few weeks ago by our pastor Rev Smit about missions and casting a net into the mission field. Part of the sermon was not to worry about drawing in a huge catch, and that even if you only caught one fish it was worth it. It stuck with me for the week and I've started thinking of our adoption as the shortest mission trip ever. It's not exactly a net that we're casting here, it's just one line being tossed at a specific fish that we're trying to slowly reel in through the trials of paperwork and fees.
Well that theme kept with me for the week and I've been thinking about our friends the Talsmas a lot recently. Their willingness to adopt a child with special needs was a big source of support for me in making the decision to adopt. I jokingly thought, "Well hey, it looks like my one string net had a second string attached after all."
Later Beth and I were talking about a couple we barely even know that saw the blog and told us that they were now considering adopting one of these children and I suddenly realized that our net had a third strand attached. That's pretty cool. The Talsmas inspired us, and we in turn inspired another family. Then I got to thinking about our family and friends that helped out with the garage sale and how they too were all strands in our net, then everyone that donated to the garage sale, and everyone that came out for it to support us. Suddenly I realize that we've got a really big net here for this one little fish!
So this inspiring feeling is going somewhere, stick with me here. Lately I've been kinda down about how long it's taking to adopt our child. Lots of dumb hold ups and having to resubmit paperwork, and I know that's a common thing for adopting parents but aaaaaaaaaaaarg. Beth and I have each other to vent to at night about it and that makes things a little better. It's been a roller coaster and I've recently had an added joy/frustration. I've finally started to emotionally connect with a kid I've never seen before. I'm kinda slow at these things, so it took me about 5 months to work through the emotions and register the change from "some kid we're adopting" to "my kid". Yay for milestones in personal development!
Then you suddenly realize that it's 2am and I'm not sleeping and where is my son and did he get food today and did they remember to brush his teeth and what if he's sick or someone is being mean to him and it's 2am calm down and go to sleep but my kid is not here! It's probably feels a lot like losing your kid at the airport and finding that he got on a one way trip to the moon and you won't be able to see or hear him or know if he's safe until he gets back but he could be being cared for by benevolent giraffes for all we know. I'm pretty sure no one knows exactly how that feels. So boo for personal growth that makes you freak out and go nuts.
At this point I think I've got two options. The first is returning to thinking about him as "that kid". I mean I've never even personally met this kid how can I be so emotionally attached already. Tried it and blech... it feels much like turning to alcohol to cope. So now that I know what it must feel like to abandon your kid: what's behind door number 2! Slight insanity for the next 6 months. I win the prize!
When you're a kid you think you're going to grow up, and you have all these assumptions about your life. I never thought I'd grow up and opt for a mental state called moon giraffe, but here I am.
But then something amazing happened, we got word from down the net! The God sent family that we mentioned a few posts back went to the orphanage and saw a kid that might be ours. Two actually but both seemed to be OK and one even was managing to push himself around in a wheelchair. It feels really weird to be as happy as we are about two kids that might not even be the kid that we've never met before doing well, but we're still really happy about it. This combined with the good sermon gave me a third option. Be content, trust God, and worry because lets be honest that's not going to stop until months after he gets home.
His net is already in the water and we've been told to leave it in for the next 6 months. We see it grow every day, especially when we see a bunch of names of people that we don't know supporting the auction. Sometimes we even get to feel a tug from the net to let us know that our little fish is sill down there. It's a long drawn out aggravating process, but it's Gods plan and we're watching it in motion right in front of us. Lets wait it out and see who else it catches.